So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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