my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
