our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
