my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
