it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
