i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
