I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
