We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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