I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
