At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
