apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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