last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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