how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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