My hand turned me down
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
