my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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