sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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