I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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