dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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