i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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