In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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