I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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