Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
