the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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