So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
