We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh god it's open bar.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
