i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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