I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
