I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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