do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
