my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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