dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
