I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
