I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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