I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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