my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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