tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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