just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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