I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
