i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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