i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
