We're facebook friends in real life
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
