...so i touched it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
