just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
