Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
