I showed him my bush... on skype.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
