i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
