I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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