Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
