I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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