I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
