I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
