I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
