On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
