I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
